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When the Evening Comes…

Let me be Singing-between you and me signs

Let me be singing when the evening comes. This is the cry of my heart!!!

I’ve never really thought of myself as a pessimist. I really do try to see the good.
But there’s definitely something inside of me that has a serious radar for the “worst-case-senarios” of life.

I think I mentioned to you in another post that my counselor refers to this as “expert disaster planning.”
I think it’s safe to say I’d make a fabulous trauma planner.
Except I don’t want to spend my life like this anymore.

We all develop coping skills when we’re experiencing things or watching things happen around us that don’t make sense and can’t be rationalized…especially when we’re too young to understand.

I have to believe that God gives us these coping skills to survive things, when we need them.
In some bizarre way they’re a gift. The problem is when you keep on living in them way after you need to, and that’s what I’ve been doing.

God is so good in the way he slowly over time, as your heart can handle it, begins to reveal things in you that aren’t wholly surrendered to him. He reveals lies that you’ve believed and vows that you’ve made.

When I was young, I experienced some things that caused me to believe some pretty major lies.
One of them was:: When bad things happen, God doesn’t notice or doesn’t care to stop them.
Somewhere along the way, I learned to trust myself and my planning, strategizing, and preparing more than I trusted God. I felt responsible to take care of myself, and my struggle for control began.

As I’ve unpacked my story as an adult, I know beyond a doubt that I can believe that God has always been with me and that no detail, large or small, has ever gone unnoticed. I know he cares for me.

He’s put his thumb on my heart in this area for several years now, and he’s honestly done a miraculous work in me. He’s loosened my grip for control, and he’s taught me to trust him over and over and over.
Specifically, he’s taught me how to sing, even in the midst of hardship and suffering, and he’s done it right slap dab in the middle of hardship and suffering.

This year, I’m relying on him. I’m not trusting myself, my feelings, and my thoughts.
I’m trusting him. Every time I catch myself operating in those crusty old coping mechanisms, I’m going to remember that I don’t need them anymore, and I’m going to ask God for his mercy and his grace.

Life is a gift.
I want to ride it on two wheels with hands lifted high and with a heart that trusts God fully.
When the evening comes, and it will come, I want to be singing.
no more doubting. no more walls. no more self-reliance. no more trauma planning.

What about you? Do you wanna be singing when the evening comes?

xoxo

Tanya - Amen! “Lean hard on His sovereignty” (as John MacArthur puts it). I think this is a lifelong lesson that brings so much joy and peace in the midst of our chaotic world.

LLH Designs - Our hearts are on the exact same page right now. I have tears in my eyes as I picture you doing the very thing you wrote at the end…hands lifted high, trusting God fully, singing. Beautiful.

This bit you wrote feels right out of my own heart today: “I have to believe that God gives us these coping skills to survive things, when we need them. In some bizarre way they’re a gift. The problem is when you keep on living in them way after you need to….”

I was just telling my counselor that I think all the things I’ve prided myself in being are coping mechanisms. Not the real me. So now here I am, 39, and trying to learn who I really am now that I don’t need (and don’t want) those coping mechanisms.

Not sure if I’ll write it out loud for all to read or not, but I’ve got this farewell letter to my Type A self just rolling around in my brain. It needs to come out.

Thanks for sharing your heart today. I’m blessed by it. XO!

bethanie - This is so true Tara…and so “me too”. I’ve learned thru some very hard times lately, that He does give us what we need to get thru. When my brother was killed this summer, I wondered how I would take another breathe. To write that sentence is enough to bring tears to my eyes, I still can’t believe he was so tragically taken from us— but each morning the Lord gives me breathe and life and even joy. Some days are harder than others, there are still times when I’m so angry that the person responsible for his death has not even been charged…that’s when He reminds me, “I’ve got this…” It is not for me to worry and fret and lose sleep over, HE’s in control. The coping skills really are a gift, I don’t know what I would have done the past 6 months without them. But His promises are a gift. He also gives us friendships, and encouraging words from others to get us thru these hard times. I think that is His way of saying, “you are not alone.” Thank you for your words of encouragement…you are a gift. :)

giosmama2626 - I would LOVE to be singing when the night comes. I would love to rest my head down on my pillow with the most content of hearts and the happiest of thoughts. Without a doubt, fear, anger, or feeling of “unsure.” I want to be signing so loud in my heart that it beams. So loud that my family feels such positive energy that they never live in fear of anything either. It’s a great thing to look forward to. It’s something that I am so glad many of my “never met once in my life blog friends” are sharing too. This seems to be the year for so many. The one that will make the most difference. The BEST year. I’m running with it. I will pray for your peace of heart and mind. I’ll pray that when the night rolls in- it meets you with a happy song.

XOXO

Lori H - I already said “me too” in your RELY post, so I will just say that I think YOU are one way that God is revealing truths to me, through your own journey. I certainly hope that I can sing when the evening comes. (I can’t carry a tune, but that doesn’t stop me from singing whole-heartedly in happy times, ha!)

Laura - ‘2 wheels with hands in the air’… you know it. I heard a story on 20/20 the other day about folks that have perfect memory of every day of their life. It’ like they were right there, in the exact moment. Mary Lou Henner was one of the guests. Anyway, I praised God right there for the blessing of forgetting. He blessed them with that gift, for reasons only He knows, but thankful for my gift- of forgetting. Lord help me use what gifts I have as He would see fit.

Jackie - Yes and Amen! I’m right there with you! :)

Love the new sign!!!

Felicia - I so needed this post today and found it through your pinterest post. I love, love, love the vignette. What a great reminder every time you see it. I need this!!!!

Allison Hendrix - Love love this! I want to be singing when the evening comes but I’ve never thought about it like this before. Totally resonating with my soul. Thank you. Sharing, pinning, all that stuff

Kelly Cach - YES! Yes I do!!!! Goodness, you are wise! So thankful God has given you a gift for communicating!!! You’re speaking my heart and my life right now, sister!!!
BLESS YOU!!!

Lemonade Makin' Mama - Girl we are on the SAME page right now. I tell ya. “NO more trauma planning.” Wow. Yes. Here too!! Love the new gorgeousness in the shop!!! Makes me feel tingly. :)

Carrie - You’ve said the words to my story with this post. I am still a work in progress and am so thankful the Father loves me with all of my imperfections. Maybe one day I not need to work on this area of my life, but for now I press onward. Thanks for the reminder that even though I am never alone, He is with me there are others on this same journey. Blessings to you, kindred spirit.

Janice Smith - I love this song! My precious Daddy passed away is Oct. 2012 and this song so touches my soul. The last stanza brings me to tears every time! You do beautiful work! ❤it all!

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