My personality lives for New Year’s resolutions. Nothing better than making a list of things and tackling them one by one. I’ve made one every year for as long as I can remember.
Except this year. I’m just not feeling a list of things to strive for or work on for a whole year.
The catalyst for my decision to not make a list comes from running too hard and too fast for too long over the past 4 months, since the kids all went to school. I had no idea how hard the transition was for all of us until the flu bug bit us over Christmas. You know you haven’t had enough margin when you’re thankful for the flu. It knocked us off our feet, and we were almost giddy about it after we cried over not being able to see my family.
I had a lot of time during the break to think and ponder what I’m really wanting in this new year, and to be honest, it’s so much more than drinking more water, eating cleaner, exercising more, inviting people into our home more consistently, and sticking to my meal plan every week.
All those things are good, and I’m sure I’ll be ticking away on and off all year to be better at all of them, but this past year God revealed to me more than ever that I’m independent in all the worst ways. I rely on myself too often.
Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Friendship is hard. Family dynamics are hard. Loving my neighbor is hard.
Actually, it’s all impossible without God.
I know this in the core of my being, yet I continue hour after hour and day after day trying to do life in my own strength.
Yes. What I’m really wanting in 2014 is more reliance on God. The “one word people” say you’re suppose to choose a word and invite it into your life…live with it, let it speak to you. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m asking Jesus to use this word and all that it means in my life this year.
I looked up some synonyms for rely, and this is what I found::
be sure of.
My counselor says my head is like Fort Knox. I’m inwardly always thinking, planning, projecting, arranging, managing, analyzing, strategizing. I’ve been doing it my whole life. She says I’m pretty much an expert at disaster/trauma planning.
I don’t think it was meant to be a compliment.
I’m tired. I don’t want to plan for chaos or disaster in my head anymore. Doing all of that thinking and planning and projecting and analyzing and strategizing keeps me from relying on God and his sovereignty. He is good. All his ways are good. He can be trusted, even in the midst of tragedy and trauma. He uses everything and wastes nothing. He loves me. He is always with me and always at work on my behalf.
The last few years have been packed full. God has been uncovering the layers of my story that tempted me to be self-reliant and independent in the first place. He’s so good like that. I’m excited about this new year and these new layers he’s peeling away.