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A Mountain to Climb

While in Pennsylvania for my friend’s 40th birthday weekend, 
we hiked up the mountain one day together right before sunset.
I didn’t know that the physical climb up that mountain would be symbolic of a spiritual climb I’d have later.
Later, as in, as soon as I got back to Orlando.
Timing is everything…

It’s a situation that takes me back to childhood.
It forces me to think about times that were hard to live through.
It begs me to forgive even though I haven’t been asked to forgive.
It brings up all of those same feelings of being out of control that make me wanna fight for any I can find.
It erupts enormous amounts of hurt that leave me feeling more of a five year old than a 37 year old.
 I feel vulnerable and weak.   
It’s hard to remember unpleasant times from childhood.
The anxiety that came with these circumstances is nothing I ever want my own children to feel.
 {Lord, help me to peel back one more layer of hurt to come into more wholeness}
It’s so easy to believe that healing comes when the people that hurt us ask for forgiveness.
But, the truth is, we can be okay whether they ask us to forgive them or not.
{Lord, continue to apply this truth to my heart…there is no satisfaction in head knowledge alone.}
The tendency with feeling out of control is to fight for any amount you can find.
I’ve worked so hard to release that part of me that seeks to protect myself with control.
{Lord, help me to trust that you are in control and that you are not caught off guard by this.}
It was a long hike up that mountain.
There was a deep burning sensation in my heart and legs most of the way.
But, I never doubted if I’d make it to the top.
I knew I would.
  Imagine the surprise when we reached the top to find this beautiful cross.
It made that climb worth it.
I have thanked God so many times over the past week for that mountain and for the cross at the top.
It has been just the reminder that I have needed as I have climbed this spiritual mountain.
 …that He is with us. always
…even when we can’t feel him or see Him at work on our behalf.
Faith is being sure of what is unseen; not what is seen.
If I’m being honest, I wanted to work through all of this in my heart before I shared it with you.
Vulnerability creeps in and tries so hard to keep me from being authentic.
1 Corinthians 12 assures me that God’s power is made perfect in my weaknesses.
His power rests on me in those vulnerable, hard places.
And so I share with you that it has been a hard week.
I’m facing again parts of my life that I thought were over..finished…complete…worked through.
 The better part of my life was so the opposite of together.
Somewhere along the way, I learned to wear masks and not face the truth of my reality.
I put on my best smile and became the ultimate cheerleader in life.
It worked until it didn’t work anymore.
God deserves the credit {glory} for what he makes whole.
And, he has made me whole in so many areas and wants to do a further work in this part of my heart.
His work requires me to be authentic, and so I will push through the uneasy feelings and be real with you
here at “between you & me”
in the hope that my story touches your story and becomes His story.
 I’m climbing a spiritual mountain.
I have no idea when I’ll reach the top.
I can’t even see the top.
It’s overwhelming.
But, I have no doubts that I’ll make it.
I know that I will.
And, there will be the cross waiting for me.
{Thank you, Lord}
He takes the broken places in our lives and makes them new.
He takes the bitterness and makes it sweet.
He takes the destitute places in us and and brings hope.
He takes the ashes of our lives and makes beauty.
His unfailing love continues to give into our lives newness of life and wholeness.

Lissa - you have no idea how timely this post was for me in my own life. thank you for sharing this. I felt like we were having a conversation. I would read a sentence and say out loud, “me too!” or “uh-huh”. Thank you for this image of the cross at the top of this mountain and for reminding me that this is just another layer of the pain the God is dealing with in order for me to be a little bit more whole!

Kristine at The Painted Hive - That is a gorgeous looking mountain I’m glad you journey up it brought you some peace.

Traci - What a beautiful mountain to climb. Forgiveness is hard, and getting over hurt feelings is hard. You will reach the top of your spiritual mountain…one day at a time. I have no doubt.

Michele - As I was reminded yesterday in church AGAIN,
He IS able, to do more than we ever asked or imagined, He is ABLE!!! I stand in the gap for you friend, I felt that same burn in my chest and legs climibing that physcial mountain and I feel it now in my own heart as you climb this spiritual mountain. Know you are never alone friend, He is ABLE.

LLH Designs - So, so, SO good. Thank you for sharing before you had it all worked out. I had the same struggle recently with a post…to share in a vulnerable, weak and not-yet-healed spot…or wait. When we are strong, God doesn’t get the full glory that He is due. When we are weak, it’s ALL GOD. Good stuff!

Isn’t it amazing how God’s creation really does pour forth speech?

Praying that the layers will keep peeling back for both of us…and that we won’t resist what God is doing!

Blessings to you!
Linsey

The Mermaid Cottage - Saw myself in your post…it is tough to be authentic and to give up control…but we keep trying because we know He is lifting us back up when we feel we’re falling down:)

Bless you and keep on writing!

Sheila, enjoying a surprisingly warm day here in Michigan!

Farmgirl Paints - This was beautiful. God is good and you are WHOLE through him. One day at a time…one step at a time. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your heart.

Evan - Thinking of you in this struggle, Tara. Just like in the actual mountain climb, you have people with you and praying for you in the spiritual climb. Know that God will not let you go through something that you (and He) can’t tackle and then to get to enjoy the “view” on the other side! Miss you! Maureen :)

edie - Loving on you this morning sweet friend :)
I’m right there with ya.
He’s holding on for dear life.
loves,
edie

Megan - Beautiful and inspiring Tara, thank you for being real!

Meghan - tara, thanks for checking in on my blog. isn’t fpfg amazing? i love her writing!

i was checking your blog out and started crushin on all of your eye candy. are you a photographer?

i came across this post (that i am commenting on). wow. i am sitting at my desk with tears in my eyes because i could’ve wrote these same words. i loved how you said it worked until it didn’t work anymore. i had that moment where i was thinking to myself…now what? feeling like all those times i was “together” was just pretend?! that all those years i spent learning how to be me could be so easily (or not so easily) undone. so much to sort through. so much to learn and unlearn. whew.

i loved that the first thing i read on your blog really resonated with me. how fortuitous! i’m thinking it’s going to be fun to get to know you:)

xoxo
meghan

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